Sex For The Technically Inclined
/* Sexual Intercourse Algorithm v 1.0 Beta 5 build 1025
Copyright eXpired - idiotica.net, expired@idiotica.net */
/* Sexual Intercourse Algorithm v 1.0 Beta 5 build 1025
Copyright eXpired - idiotica.net, expired@idiotica.net */
#include "bigwang.h"
#include "you.h"
#include "dirtyslut.h" // Version 2.3, 2.4 has extra experimental STD's not covered
#include "bugsupport.h" // Bug detection and eradication algorithms
#include "viagra.h" // Handicapped accessibility support
#include "18pack.h" // Self explanatory
#include "coersion.h" // This class handles the arousal process
#include "loveglove.h" // Protection for run-level bugs
void main()
{
You you;
18pack beer;
Slut girl(RANDOM); // Generate random slut
if(girl.weight > 170 || girl.ugly == true)
while(girl.ugly == true)
beer.drink();
else if(girl.age < 18)
{
you.run(QUICKLY);
you.masturbateFiercelyInstead();
exit(); // Better luck next time
}
// Girl should now be approved for further evaluation
BigWang *ramRod(INCHES8); // Create wang for standby
if(you.age > 45)
{
Viagra limpBeGone;
you.takePill(limpBeGone);
}// Old guys gotta do it, too
you.attachPud(ramRod); // Ready the wang for proper usage
Coersion pickupLine;
you.speak(pickupLine.random());
if(girl.action == SLAP || you.language == DRUNKISH)
{
you.speak("Bitch!");
you.run(QUICKLY);
you.masturbateFiercelyInstead();
exit(); // Try again tomorrow
}
while(girl.aroused == false)
{
you.giveSlutDrink(girl); // She'll be ready after about a 6 pack or so
}
// Girl should now be approved and in a proper run state
you.foreplay(NEVER); // Foreplay is NOT necessary in this kind of human encounter
girl.removeClothes();
if(girl.vagina == HAIRY)
you.useGardenSheers(girl); // Nobody likes a Gorilla Salad
if(girl.vagina == SEAFOODSPECIAL)
{
you.usePowerWasher(girl);
you.goingDownAnyway = false;
}
if(girl.vagina == CRABS)
{
BugSupport orkinMan;
you.call(orkinMan);
orkinMan.pesticideLevel = FULL;
orkinMan.exterminatePestsInArea();
you.goingDownAnyway = false;
}
if(girl.vagina == WARTS)
{
if(you.beenLaidInAwhile == false)
{
you.popWarts();
you.usePowerWasher(girl);
}
else
{
you.speak("AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!");
you.run(LIKEAMOTHERFUCKER);
you.swearOffSex = true;
exit(); // Don't even THINK about executing masturbateFiercelyInstead();
}
}
// Security for filtering bad and illegal operations should be succesful
if(you.goingDownAnyway = true)
while(you.gagReflex == CONTROLLED)
{
you.plugNose();
you.lickDeadFish();
}
// The following is correct blowjob procedure
you.speak("Well, it's not going to suck itself!");
while(girl.onKneesSmilingLikeACheerio == false && you.satisfied == false)
{
you.bitchSlap(girl);
you.speak("What are you waiting for?");
}
LoveGlove *jimmyHat;
ramRod.wear(jimmyHat); // for protection of extra STD's such as pregnancy, which is the worst
if(you.whiskeyDick == true)
{
you.vomitOn(girl);
you.passOut();
exit(); // Hey, it happens to everybody. Really.
}
if(you.intoxication == SHITFACED)
{
you.begForAnalSex(girl);
if(girl.poopSexWilling == true)
you.putWangInDaButt(girl);
else
you.putWangInDaButtAnywayAndPretendItsAnAccident(girl);
}
if(you.intoxication == SOBER)
{
you.putWangInBeardedClam(girl);
}
while(you.awake == true && you.wangDefeated == false)
{
you.thrustHips(LIKEDYINGANIMAL);
if(you.knowHerName == true)
you.speak("Ugh... ugh... UGGGGGGH, %s!", girl.name);
else
you.speak("Who is your daddy, and what does he do? UGGGGGH!");
}
// Intercourse should now be properly and fully executed, and it's time for her to leave
you.kickOutDoor(girl);
free(girl); // Properly clear her from memory
you.eMailYourFriends("LOL I got laid!!! Eye am 3733t!");
}
Code by expired@idiotica.net
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